Forgive

I was almost in an accident with my family the other day. It would have been my fault had the accident occurred. I was not paying close enough attention and in my reaction to the situation I almost hurt (or worse) my family and the family of another traveler. Fortunately for all involved others had much better reactions to the situation than I did. I have thought a lot about that moment and what could have been. So many “What if…” or “what might…” questions have filled my head as I think back on this moment. Some of the most disturbing questions have been: Would I be able to forgive myself if the unthinkable happened? Would that other family be able to forgive me?

How often do we not see “it” coming? We feel our lives are destroyed because one incident, one accident, one circumstance changes the trajectory of our lives. But it does not have to be that way. I believe most people do not know how to forgive. We do not know how to forgive ourselves, and we do not know how to forgive others. If we were able to forgive we might just have an easier time to put things back together.

Things happen to us. For some horrible things happen that make it difficult to continue to live life. At the heart of not being able to move on is the inability to forgive someone else, to forgive ourselves, or at times to forgive God. Because we cannot forgive, we cannot move forward.

One definition of forgiveness I have come across says “Forgiveness is the wiping out of an offense from memory; it can be affected only by the one affronted. Once eradicated, the offense no longer conditions the relationship between the offender and the affronted, and harmony is restored between the two.” They use a lot of big words to say the one who is offended chooses to let go of an offense to continue a relationship with the offender. How often do we “forgive” someone but harmony is never restored between us? Forgiveness has to do with giving up some of our rights. I have a right to be upset with them… I have a right to make them pay for what they have done… I have a right to…

Forgiveness lays aside those rights to mend the relationship, to restore the harmony between us. Too often we think we forgive and forget. But, how often does our mind wander back to situations and we think of a better come back, or another way to deal with someone who has offended us? Someone once told me forgiveness is a lot like an onion. You have to deal with it a layer at a time, and it might make you cry.

Are you able to truly forgive others, or to truly forgive yourself? Are you able to let go of things so that relationships can be mended and harmony be restored? Or do you settle for artificial forgiveness? Do you forgive but hold a grudge? Do you forgive but constantly bring up all the things they have ever done to you?

We do not always see “it” coming, but what we do with “it” is a choice. Will you choose to truly forgive?