Letting Go

Our kids will soon finish another school year. For my family, this ending is a little different. It is different because it brings on another first for our oldest. Our oldest will be at the Intermediate school next year. I was very impressed that the soon to be Intermediate School students were given a tour of what will be their new school. I was also very impressed that some of the 5th graders assisted in the tour. Now I am not usually one who dwells on these things, but this change makes me a little anxious.

Remembering back to when I was my son’s age, I changed a whole lot. My Mom began to give me more responsibility. Mom would send me to the store to pick up a few things that she needed. It became my responsibility to mow the yard, to make sure my pet was taken care of, etc. My Mom also gave me a little more freedom. I could go for a bike ride, which eventually took me all over town. I could meet my friends down at the park and play all afternoon.

Thinking about giving my oldest the same responsibilities and freedoms is what makes me a little anxious. Is he ready for those same responsibilities and freedoms? I don’t think he is, but then I have to ask myself if I am holding him back? Did my Mom have the same anxiousness that I am now experiencing? Did she question her own judgment the first time she let me ride my bike out of sight? Did she have to say yes through gritted teeth to things she really wanted to say no to, because she knew I needed the experience to grow up? Am I not affording him the same opportunity?

There are times in our lives we must choose to let go (at least a little). As a child, a parent, an employee, a boss, etc., we have to let go of those things we find comfort in, so that we are able to grow. I have to let go of my children so they can grow up. My children will have to let go of me so they can grow up. I have to let those who work with me go so they can grow in their competencies. And at the same time, I have to begin letting go of the safety net of those I work for to grow in my competence…

Do you find it hard to let go? Do you find it hard to let your children begin to make decisions on their own, to have increased responsibility, increased freedom? It may not be so much about them as it is about us. Maybe it is more about our own anxiousness over our changing role than it is about theirs… Change happens all the time. Do we struggle against it and not allow it take us where it needs to? Or do we embrace change and begin to determine where it will take us, and live in where it will lead us?

Remembering My Baptism

Our Church recently celebrated with seven of our youth and children the sacrament (sacred moment) of Baptism. I have spent time with several of these over the past few months in a process of confirmation (a process of strengthening their faith).

As the day of their baptism grew closer, I began to think of my own confirmation and baptism. There were many in my community who impacted my life in positive ways. I had Sunday School teachers, Youth ministry leaders/volunteers, Boy Scout leaders, Teachers, Band Directors, etc. that had an impact on my life.

On the day of my baptism, three people really stand out. One was my pastor. He was appointed to our church for eight years. He impacted my life in many ways. He ministered to my family as my Mom and Dad both faced life with cancer. He also ministered to my family as we grieved their death but also celebrated their life. Another was a man who was transitioning into being the Youth Director for our church. He served in that position for a short time, but our lives crossed paths again when I moved to Lubbock to attend Texas Tech. He was the pastor of the church I attended in Lubbock, and he took me under his wing and was a guide that helped me discern what direction my life would take. The other was the man who was transitioning from being the Youth Director of our church. He spent several summers working with the Jr High and High School kids in the Church and community. He opened my eyes to possibilities that existed, if I just took the time to open my eyes to see them. At the time I could not really see how they were changing my life, but looking back, I can see how their influence has changed me.

These three men, and a host of others were on my mind as I remembered my own baptism, while helping to create a baptism memory for the seven that came before our church. I hope that what I do is making an impression on them. I hope that one day they will be able look back and see the influence myself and others had on their lives.

Who are the people that have influenced and impacted your life? A Coach? A Teacher? An Employer? A Neighbor? A Pastor? Who? Are you making the time in your life to influence and impact the life of someone else?

We can always hope someone else will take the time to make a difference. We can always hope someone else will step up to the challenge. But who misses out on being changed, being influenced or impacted when you and I don’t?

Lunch Mistake

There are times I get so focused on what I am doing that I miss something more important. Recently I was volunteering at the school. I was there to volunteer my time and hopefully be a help to the teachers and staff at the school. One of the teachers approached me to tell me that one of my children was waiting for me to come eat with them.

I messed up. I was so focused on giving of my time to the school, I missed an opportunity my child was asking to have with me. In my head I was there to be a help to the school. That is what I was focused on. It didn’t occur to me that I could/should take a few minutes to spend with my child as they ate.

It is easy to be so focused, we miss important opportunities. Will my child bear an emotional scar because I did not take the time to eat with them? Probably not. But my child was asking for me. My child wanted my time and my attention. Because I was so focused on what I was doing, I missed an opportunity to be with my child.

How often do we miss moments because we are too focused? What is it that we miss out on because our focus becomes like a pair of blinders? Moments seem so inconsequential. Moments are so quick, so small they seem to not matter. Moments are what make a difference in lives. Moments are what change history. We live in a society that is so busy, so focused, that too often we miss having an impact, making a difference, giving time, love, attention, etc.

May you take moments to make a difference. May you be able to see the big picture and where you are needed most. May others be changed because you took a moment and changed a life!

Decisions...

One of the things I enjoy the most about my job, is that I get to work with children and youth. One of the things I enjoy most about working with children and youth is that each year, I have the opportunity to spend at least two months discussing history and faith.

I enjoy history. I like finding the connexions between different events that lead up to what we do or why we do what we do in today’s society. Over the past 8 weeks, I have met with four of our youth each Sunday. I have enjoyed getting to know them better, allowing them to get to know me better, and helping them learn about history and about our faith. A lot of history, especially church history, is about how the choices or decisions of someone have ripples that still affect others today. This is a topic we came back to often.

A Rule (a way of measuring how we are doing) attributed to the leader of the Methodist movement, John Wesley, was:

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as you ever can.

This Rule was a way to remind the people called Methodist that the decisions they made in the past must be lived out into the present and beyond. I know in my own life it is easy to choose to do something good, yet it is much more difficult to choose to do good in all that I do… I know that I need reminders in my life to help me remember choices and decisions I have made in the past, so that I can continue to honor them in the present and beyond.

There are some decisions that I no longer have to be reminded of. They have become a part of my life. I don’t have to be reminded I am a husband and a dad. Because of those choices, there are choices and decisions I don’t have to make because of those decisions I have already made. I cannot choose to fall in love with a woman other than my wife. I made that choice eleven years ago. We chose to have four kids. We cannot now chose to be the parents of only two of them.

There are days it would be much easier not to stay committed to decisions that were made. There are days it seems easier to just quit and start over. We grow or mature when we choose to live out decisions we’ve made.

How are you reminded of the decisions you’ve made (anniversary’s, etc.)? Are there decisions you have made that you find it hard to live out? Press on, grow, and see the difference you make….

Health Warnings

My daughter made me a get well card yesterday. I have been sick for a little over a week, longer than I chose to recognize I was sick. I noticed a few of the signs early, but chose to ignore or explain them away. I don’t like being sick. I don’t like my wife or kids to know I am sick, because they worry, and in my role as Dad and Husband they shouldn’t worry about me (at least that is the understanding of the roles of Father/Husband I picked up on from an early age, and am slowly learning they might not be the healthiest understanding of my roles…). I don’t like to miss work. I like what I do (at least most days).

Over the past two years though, I have been sick more than I have in my life, at least that’s the way it feels. I would like to blame it on my environment, but I figure that is not really the answer. I think the truthful answer is that my body is maturing (I am told that’s just another way of saying getting older) and it can’t continue to be put through the unhealthy lifestyle of my late teens and twenties.

Over the past two years I have slowly started to learn my body gives me signs when I am about to get sick. Sometimes I heed the warnings, but often times I choose to ignore them or explain them away. When I choose to listen to the warnings I don’t get as sick, my wife and kids don’t have to worry (as much), I don’t have to miss doing the things I enjoy…

It is healthier for us to listen to the warnings signs of our bodies, our relationships, etc. But most of us have not taken the time to learn what those warning signs are, or we choose to ignore them. Too many of us have falsely believed we can just power through getting sick or conflict or whatever. Many of us choose to live and relate unhealthily, and eventually it does catch up to us. Our bodies and our relationships will only take so much. Eventually our bodies will make us stop and attempt to recover. Eventually those that we are in relationship with will say enough. Have you taken the time to learn the warning signs of your life? Do you chose to listen to those signs? When we don’t, we suffer when we don’t have to, and those around us go through stuff they don’t have to….

Hope

This past week a mother and son came by the Church in need of help. There was something in this Mom’s face that spoke volumes. It said she had had a rough few days. It said she was concerned about what was going to happen next. It said she worried that her son would realize how stressed she was about their situation.

I have seen that before. I don’t remember how old I was, and I am not sure where we had been, but I saw that same look on my Mom’s face many years ago. It was some time after my Mom and Dad divorced, but still in a time where things are a little fuzzy. My Mom, my brother, and I were headed home from somewhere. I don’t remember from where or why we had gone there… It was dark outside, I had fallen asleep on the back seat, and my brother had fallen asleep in the back floor board (back when we did not have to sit in car seats or even wear a seat belt). I began to wake up, I think because Mom was crying. Mom made an excuse that she needed a potty break, to stop at an Allsup’s. I was beginning to wake up when Mom went into Allsup’s. She told me she needed to use the restroom, but she never did. She stayed at the front of the store talking with the clerk. I could see she was crying, but not sure why. I later found out we were out of gas and out of money. When Mom walked back out to the car, there was that look. The look that said the future was uncertain. The look that said she was concerned that she had two sons in the car with no gas and no money. The look that said, how could I have gotten us into this situation…

Mom got back in the car and just sat there for what seemed like forever to this little boy, but was probably not more than a few minutes. I do not know if she was trying to figure out what to do next or what. Eventually a police officer stopped at Allsup’s for his evening snack. As he paid for his items, the cashier pointed out to the old blue Oldsmobile, with the crying woman and two little boys. As the police officer came out, he headed in our direction. Mom got out of the car and went towards him. They talked for a few minutes. The officer went back to his car and Mom climbed back in to ours. The police officer slowly drove around to where we were parked. Mom slowly backed our car out and followed the officer, muttering under her breath, “Please make it, please make it, just a little further…” The officer stopped in front of a large metal barn and motioned for my mom to pull around to the side. He filled up our car with gas, talked with Mom for a few minutes, handed her a few pieces of paper with phone numbers in case we needed additional help before reached home.

When Mom got back in to the car, there was a different look on her face. Hope. Hope that tomorrow would be a new day. Hope that things were not as bad as they seemed in this moment… That officer was a bearer of hope that night. At the time I did not understand what was going on, and to be honest I am still not sure what was going on, but that man offered an unfamiliar woman hope, and that hope made a difference.

I pray that the staff and I offered hope to the mom and son that stopped by our church last week. I pray we were a calm in the chaos they found themselves in. These opportunities do not happen every day. When the time comes, are you prepared to offer hope to those who desperately need it? It is an inconvenience to stop our busy lives to attend to those in need, but it shows our character, our humanity, when we do so to make a difference in their lives…

A Rattail and an Earring...

When I was younger, my Mom made sure that my brother’s and my hair was cut regularly and that we were presentable. My aunt cut hair for a living, and one of my Mom’s really good friends was in charge of the School of Cosmetology at our local Junior College. My Mom had her definition of what a “presentable” young man should look like, and if I ever wanted to make a change to my presentation she would ask, “How would you look in a suit?” or “Would you really want to go to church like that?” That was usually the end of me trying to make a change. I never really thought of it, but rarely did I have a suit to wear, and if I did I rarely wore it. Once in Junior High, Mom let me walk to get my hair cut. All my friends were growing rattails, so since Mom was not with me I told the lady cutting my hair I was going to grow a rattail. I walked back proudly having made my decision. However as soon as Mom saw it she made me turn around and walk back and get my hair cut again.

After my Mom passed away, I continued to get my hair cut in the same way and try to dress in a way that was her type of “presentable.” I could still hear her voice asking me, “How would you look in a suit?” Over the years I did let my hair get a little longer than she would have liked. During a few “rebellious” months I parted my hair in a different place and had an earring. It wasn’t until after I got married that I really made some changes. My wife wanted me to have my hair cut much differently than how my Mom would have liked it. I felt like I was doing something wrong by not getting my hair cut the way Mom would have wanted it.

Last fall my wife said she wanted me to grow my hair out. So, I let my hair grow much longer than I have ever let it grow. Recently my wife told me she decided she didn’t like it long. So, I cut it off. Over the past few months I have had people tell me they liked my longer locks or they disliked my locks. Some thought my longer locks made me look younger; others have said I look more “presentable” without them.

We all have voices that speak into our lives. Sometimes those voices inhibit what we do, at other times they spur us forward. Sometimes the voices compete with each other. Part of growing up is learning which voices to listen to, and which voices not to. Have you been listening to the right voices? Maybe you find yourself where you are because of the voices you have listened to. Maybe it is time to stop listening to certain voices and start listening to others. It may be time to stop listening to the voices that want to mold you into how they think you should be, so that you can listen to the voices that encourage you to live into the person you were created to be.